Theraverse
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April 4, 2025
“If I say, I’m so lucky I’m married to such a nice guy, they will say oh what a nice guy Surya is, and if he says I’m so lucky I’ve married such a nice woman, they will still say …oh what a nice guy Surya is!”
– Said Jyothika, one of the finest actors of the Tamil-film industry.
At a recent interview with the cast of Dabba Cartel, she spoke about casual sexism being a part of her everyday life as her partner Surya also happens to be a leading actor in the same industry. The cast and the interviewer broke out into a laughter listening to her, but the silence that came after, still lingers. We live in a day and age where we are able to muster up and rally for the high tides, the loud noise, but what about the small yet persistent waves?
While it is important to stand up for injustice and blatant disrespect, it is also important to shed light on the slight pejorative labels, behaviours, unintentional yet inappropriate words, gestures, passive comments, and back-handed compliments that have penetrated our language, thought and action so effortlessly and sometimes even unconsciously.
“You’re so articulate for someone from your background.”
“Where are you really from?”
“But you don’t act gay.”
“You speak English so well though”
“She must be on her period”
These are examples of microaggression, a subtle, often unintentional comment or action that reflects biases or stereotypes, usually directed at marginalized groups. These moments might seem harmless to the person saying them, but over time, they can build up and feel exhausting for the person on the receiving end.
To put it simply, microaggressions are like tiny papercuts, small but still stings!
Types of microaggression:
- Microassaults – These occur when people behave in a discriminatory manner but are not explicitly intending to offend someone.
- Example: Telling a racist joke and then saying, “Oh, I was just kidding.”
- Microinsults – These are comments or actions that unintentionally demean someone’s background, identity, or intelligence. In comparison to microassaults, microinsults are much less obvious but just as harmful. These verbal and behavioral microinsults are harmful because people mean them to be complimentary.
- Example: ‘Wow! You are really good at driving for a woman!’ (Implies surprise that she can be a good driver despite being a woman)
- Microinvalidations – These dismiss a person’s lived experiences, making them feel unheard or erased. Invalidating the reality of the discrimination that targeted groups experience is ignorant.
- Example: “I don’t see color.” (Ignores racial identity and systemic issues.)
Identifying microaggressions starts with paying attention to hidden messages in everyday interactions. Recognizing these moments require self-awareness, active listening, and considering how words and actions impact others, regardless of intent.
A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself,
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Would this be said to someone outside this group?
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Does this comment rely on assumptions rather than seeing the person as an individual?
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How am I feeling as a response to this?
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Is there a pattern I notice?
How to respond to microaggression?
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Assume the Best but Address the Impact
Most microaggressions come from unconscious biases rather than intentional harm. A helpful approach is to focus on how the comment felt rather than accusing the person of bad intentions. “I know you didn’t mean any harm, but when you said __, it made me feel __.”
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Ask for Clarification
Sometimes, asking the person to explain can help them recognize the issue on their own.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Help me understand what makes you say that?”
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Use ‘I’ Statements to Express How It Affected You
Instead of saying “That was offensive!” which might make the person defensive, try rephrasing to “I felt uncomfortable when you said that because it sounded like __.”
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Educate and Offer a Reframe
If you feel safe and the person is open to learning, you can gently correct the assumption.
If they said “You don’t look gay.” Then you can correct them by saying, “LGBTQ+ people don’t all look a certain way, just like straight people don’t.”
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Know When to Walk Away!
If someone gets defensive and refuses to reflect, it’s okay to disengage. Protecting your own energy is just as important.
Here are few worksheets and tools to examine microaggressions:
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Handout to examine microaggressions and coded language
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Microaggressions worksheet for workplaces
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Microaggression matching worksheet
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By,
Jensita Grace,
In-house Psychologist, Theraverse
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Resources:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/microaggression
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/microagressions#history-of-the-term
https://www.workplacestrategiesformentalhealth.com/resources/team-activity-microaggressions
