Theraverse . February 17, 2025

Recently I went swimming and didn’t realize that the floor was a steep slope and that I was entering a much deeper part of the pool. When I came up for air, I couldn’t feel the floor and in panic I started to lose balance and kept trying to reach for the walls. Although I knew how to swim, in that moment, the only thing I could think to do was flail my hands around in desperation.

Now that I come to think of it, going through turmoil in a marriage is a lot like struggling to stay afloat while drowning. It feels all-consuming for the people involved and it threatens everything we believed to be true about us and our partners. When the safety of the relationship gets threatened, we simply operate from a place of fear and lose the bandwidth to think rationally, behave empathetically and respond respectfully. And the preconceived notions perpetuated through generations about not “airing our dirty laundry in public” especially in collectivistic cultures like India, adds another layer of shame and loneliness to the pre-existing struggles.

Marital therapy, also known as couples therapy, is a type of counseling specifically designed for married couples to help them address relationship issues, improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen their emotional connection with each other, essentially, it aims to enhance the quality of their marriage by working through problems together with the guidance of a therapist.

But one of the most common myths about marital therapy is that it is restricted to relationships that are strained. But over 40% of Indian couples seeking therapy use it as a preventative measure to improve communication and intimacy before major problems arise, indicating a growing acceptance of couples therapy in India as a proactive approach to relationship health.

Knowing when to start marital therapy can be a crucial part of the process, so here are 4 signs for you to consider marital therapy,

• He said, she said!

Communication issues are one of the most common factors that cause distance and difficulty in marriages. Disagreements are inevitable, but if every discussion turns into a fight or if conflicts never get resolved, it may signal deeper issues that need addressing. Few common errors in communication include silent treatment,  avoidance, cycles of defensiveness and blame.

Marital therapy provides couples with tools to improve their communication patterns. Therapists help partners recognize unhealthy communication styles and replace them with more constructive ways of interacting. Techniques such as active listening, assertiveness training, and learning to respond rather than react can help couples rebuild trust and understanding.

• New chapters, new challenges

Significant life changes such as moving to a new city, starting a family, career shifts, or health issues can strain a relationship. These transitions can bring out underlying fears, insecurities, and differences in coping styles. Without healthy communication and support, couples may find themselves growing apart or struggling with increased conflict.

Marital therapy helps partners navigate these changes by fostering open dialogue, strengthening emotional support, and developing strategies to adapt as a team. It allows couples to process their emotions together, ensuring that life’s transitions bring them closer rather than driving them apart.

• Together, but alone

Over time, couples may experience a decrease in emotional or physical intimacy. Therapy helps partners explore underlying issues that may contribute to this loss, such as unresolved conflicts, changes in priorities, or individual stressors. Marital therapy helps couples identify the root causes of intimacy loss and provides strategies to rekindle emotional and physical closeness.

• Investing in “us”

I was attending a conflict resolution workshop and this resource person who had been dealing with couples for years mentioned how it would benefit if couples who are about to get married, treated therapy as one of the prerequisites to a marriage and got into it at the earliest as a bonding activity, as opposed to treating it as the “last straw”.

Many couples, even unmarried seek therapy not because of a specific issue but to enhance their relationship’s overall quality. It can also help couples set goals and develop strategies for long-term relationship success.

Seeking Support is an Act of Love

Many people hesitate to seek marital therapy because they feel discussing their marriage with a stranger is a betrayal of their relationship’s privacy. They may believe that challenges within a marriage should be handled privately, without outside intervention. While this perspective is understandable, it can also be limiting, leading couples to struggle in silence instead of seeking the support they need.

Rather than being an act of betrayal or disrespect, seeking marital therapy is one of the most loving things partners can do for each other. It demonstrates a willingness to work through difficulties and a commitment to creating a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Every strong relationship faces challenges, and those who seek guidance are not failing, they are actively choosing growth, resilience, and connection.

So, getting help for your marriage is not airing dirty laundry, it’s watering the roots of your relationship so it can thrive.

by,

Jensita Grace,

In-house Psychologist, Talk Therapy Clinic

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Resources:

https://www.talkspace.com/blog/signs-you-need-to-go-to-couples-therapy/

https://health.clevelandclinic.org/marriage-counseling

https://www.mentalhealth.com/library/marital-therapy-concepts#when-to-seek-marital-therapy

https://www.thetalentedindian.com/couples-therapy-in-india-more-than-just-a-last-resort/